What to do if you break up

Love is beautiful and worth people's yearning for. But behind love there is also an invisible killer, that is, heartbreak. Love brings hope, happiness and life to people. But a broken heart can bring people pain, disappointment, and even death. So many people want to know what to do if they break up? How to adjust their emotions?

Of course, a broken heart is a very painful thing, but it does not mean that a person has to go down one path. All roads lead to Rome. You must think more open-mindedly and not get stuck in a dead end. So don't sacrifice your life because of a broken heart, it's not worth it. So what should you do if you break up? We will teach you some self-help methods for a broken heart.

1. Take six doses of vitamins at regular times every day.

Vitamin A-Action (Act)

The worst thing about a breakup is being paralyzed. Any self-care action is a good medicine: play ball, dance wildly, scream in the mountains or at the beach, walk the dog, sunbathe in the park, go to the movies. Many people use rituals to complete psychological mourning, such as burning old letters. Such farewell actions have a healing effect.

Vitamin B-Believe

The worst thing about a breakup is dwelling on it, especially settling old scores and regretting what happened, which actually does not help. Think about the wise words of love saints: "If I get it, I'm lucky, if I don't, it's my fate", "Why bother to possess it if you have loved it", "If you hold love in your hands, you will kill the lovebird", "The past is gone, the future can be pursued"... Collect the good memories and put an end to this fate with blessings.

Vitamin C-Communicate

The worst thing about a broken heart is withdrawing into yourself, shutting yourself off from the world, and imprisoning yourself in a castle of sadness and loneliness. Find someone to talk to, write it yourself, and express your feelings to netizens online. Emotions must have an outlet, otherwise they will burst out. However, because they are afraid that speaking out will cause more sadness or that "ugly things in one's heart should not be made public", and they are afraid of being laughed at by others, they simply keep their mouths shut. Little do they realize that speaking out is a form of therapy, and being able to speak means that psychologically they are able to face it calmly.

Vitamin D-Distract

The worst thing about a broken heart is being stuck in the quagmire and unable to extricate yourself. There are many ways to get out of your bad mood, such as traveling away from the sad place, listening to some music, reading a book, praying, or transferring your love to helping stray dogs who need love, caring for the elderly and children around you... Young people most often use the Internet, TV, and chatting to divert their attention.

Vitamin E-Extract

The worst thing about a breakup is rigid thinking, the complete loss of the ability to reflect or find meaning in the pain. Reflection is not about pointing out whose fault it is, but about being able to objectively evaluate the growth and learning of both parties after the loss, and using it as a reference for the next relationship.

Vitamin F-Fitness

The worst thing about a broken heart is "abusing one's body", eating and drinking excessively, or even using alcohol and drugs to drown one's sorrows. Find ways to exercise every day, such as aerobic dance, swimming, and jogging to strengthen your cardiopulmonary function; do yoga and Pilates to improve your flexibility; lift weights, do sit-ups, and push-ups to maintain muscle endurance. Exercise allows the body to release endorphins and accelerate physical and mental recovery.

2. Four sheets of over pain relief ointment, to be used when in pain.

The pain of a broken heart is everywhere. Every time you see something, you feel sad. When the night comes, the past scenes come back vividly. It is so painful that it is unbearable. Sometimes it becomes a psychosomatic disease, with chest tightness, heart pain, insomnia, anorexia, and poor concentration. Your life is greatly affected and you need to find some way to relieve the pain. In short, you need to accept the end of the relationship and acknowledge that it is a thing of the past. It's over. Yet life can continue its journey of freedom and abundance.

O replaces "obsessed" with "open"

Being addicted to self-torture and unable to extricate oneself is often because one only looks at the past, forever regretting the past, and only dwelling on the loss, which inevitably leads to loss of will all day long. Just imagine how dangerous it is for a driver to not look forward and only insist on using the rearview mirror! The beautiful scenery behind is already a thing of the past, and the front window opens to new possibilities for the future.

Only by opening your mind can you relieve the pain. Open three posts:

1. Regain the power to love yourself: List three things you appreciate about yourself every day, such as "still maintaining a normal life track", "rational communication skills", "able to smile", "willing to reflect on yourself", etc.

2 Stay connected with the outside world: Share experiences with others, listen to speeches, read books, learn about other people’s recovery processes, participate in clubs and other leisure activities, and you can find different ways to cope.

3 Be open to beautiful things and cleanse your soul: nature, music, and poetry are all good medicines for healing. Take our ancestors as our teachers, "wave your sleeves and leave without taking a cloud with you", and walk freely on the road of love.

V replaces victim with victory

People who have been heartbroken often see themselves as victims, sometimes punishing themselves with suffering, sometimes punishing the other person with self-torture, or trying to redeem the relationship. In fact, heartbreak is not the real problem. The test is how we face and respond to the situation of heartbreak. Some people become addicted to being victims, feeling sorry for themselves, and always say that others have let them down. Being sentimental is useless and will only weaken one's own strength. This kind of mentality will cause greater harm to yourself, so you must be vigilant.

To step out of the role of victim, we need to rebuild our cognition:

1 A broken heart is not a failure. Love is about mutual affection. Looking back on the moments in love, we have both been adults and have our own responsibilities. The change of tone is the result of interaction between the two parties. Both parties have the responsibility to learn to break up peacefully, or even happily. Although the process is painful, it can still be a win-win situation.

2 To adjust after a breakup, you need to establish the concept of "positive separation". In other words, apart from being filled with anxiety, pain, fear, regret, and reluctance, breaking up can also be filled with calmness, preparation, gratitude, and blessings for each other. There is no happiness in forcing.

3 See yourself as a more independent person. Although breaking up is painful, it is a process of independence and re-learning. Make a recovery plan and timetable, and hope to pass and cross this fence, overcome the blow of the breakup, and become more independent in emotions and life.

E replaces explode with express

Those who have been heartbroken should remain calm and communicate and express themselves rationally. Otherwise, once they fall into irrational thinking and impulse, or lose self-control, become provocative, and take retaliatory actions with aggressive violence, they can easily make big mistakes and regret it. There are various forms of expression. Dr. Schnyder from Switzerland, an internationally renowned expert in trauma psychotherapy and chairman of the International Psychotherapy Federation, has provided a good solution. Give yourself 20 minutes every day to write down negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, self-blame, loneliness, etc., write them down without reservation, and then find a box to put them. This makes sense psychologically, because when you are traumatized, such as when you break up, it is easy for your emotions to run wild. So using this method is equivalent to setting limits on time (20 minutes) and space (box). After completing it, treat it as today's homework and try to let it go.

3. To prevent inappropriate emotional outbursts, you can use the following three tips:

1 If you want to apologize, don’t avoid yesterday’s mistakes. Apologize frankly and forgive yourself for being careless.

2. Say thank you for the other person’s kindness and dedication, and carefully store and collect the sweet memories and emotional memories, and use gratitude as a mark of your youth.

3 Say goodbye. Some parties avoid meeting each other or avoid the main issue. Failure to say goodbye properly will leave many doubts. A good goodbye will help both parties to responsibly end the relationship.

R Respect/reevaluate/recover (respect, reflect, recover) instead of repress/regress/resent (repress, regress, resent)

Even if the relationship fails, the friendship remains. The warning signs of a broken heart give you the opportunity to re-evaluate your core values, respect each other's past, respect your original choices, reflect on the unfinished lessons in the relationship, and learn from others with an open mind. In this way, recovery is just around the corner. On the contrary, some less mature young people become overly dependent in intimate relationships and lose themselves. After their lovers leave, they seem to lose their own integrity and degenerate into a state of dysfunction. Or they are unable to resolve their inner resentment, which accumulates and causes crises in their lives.

4. To get out of the crisis, there are three tips for recovery:

1. Respond with humor. Research shows that people who remain resilient in the face of adversity are often those with a sense of humor. Whether using self-deprecation or self-mockery, it is a relaxed attitude and represents energy that breaks the dullness. Seek other pleasures in life, such as class reunions, sports, clubs, and travel.

2 A normal schedule can increase your ability to withstand stress. Find the order of life. A broken heart often destroys our motivation for life and tests our ability to adapt. We need to re-list our life priorities, try to expand our social circle, set goals and plans for ourselves to recover, and move forward step by step.

3. Respect the imperfection of life. Be brave enough to correct yourself, think positively, be grateful, and surpass your past self, so as to move towards a more balanced and mature relationship between the sexes and a healthier philosophy of life.

People who have been heartbroken know how to regulate their emotions and how to save themselves. A broken heart is just an experience in our life, it does not mean that our life will end here. Because a beautiful tomorrow is still waiting for us, we can fall in love again after a breakup, and even have a better love.