Training methods to improve emotional intelligence

Many people have high IQs but not necessarily high EQs. People with high EQs tend to be successful. No matter in life or work, they always perform the best. Nowadays, many parents start training their children's emotional intelligence. A person with high emotional intelligence can not only control his emotions, but also be at ease in interpersonal relationships. Moreover, managing our emotions and interacting with others is also an art, so it is very necessary to improve our emotional intelligence.

1. An ability to deal with one's own negative emotions

If we want to change our emotions about something, we must first change the way we perceive it.

If you want to change the emotions caused by negative cognition, the best reference method is the ABC rational emotive therapy proposed by Ellis.

A (Antecedent) refers to the cause of an event, and C (Consequence) refers to the consequence of an event. If there is an antecedent, there must be a consequence. However, the same antecedent A can produce different consequences C1 and C2. This is because there must be a bridge B (Bridge) between the cause and the consequence. This bridge is the belief and our evaluation and interpretation of the situation. Also, because, in the same situation (A), different people have different ideas, evaluations, and interpretations (B1 and B2), they will get different results (C1 and C2). Therefore, everything that happens is rooted in our beliefs (beliefs refer to people's thoughts, interpretations, and evaluations of events).

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2. The ability to remain calm when faced with stress

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Almost everyone experiences stress in life. The most important thing under pressure is to stay calm. Here are a few strategies:

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A. If you are angry with someone, before you say something you will regret, take a deep breath and count from 1 to 10. Most of the time, by the time you count to 10, you’ll have found a better way to communicate. If you are still angry after counting to 10, then you should temporarily move away from the issue and discuss the topic again when you calm down.

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B. If you feel nervous or anxious, splash some cold water on your face and get some fresh air. When we are in a cooler environment, our anxiety levels decrease.

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C. If you feel scared or depressed, try some aerobic exercise. (brisk walking, jogging, running, cycling, swimming, rowing, etc.) Give yourself some energy.

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3. The ability to read cues

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Those with high emotional intelligence are generally more able to accurately read other people's emotions (from their body language, verbal language, and facial expressions). They also know better how to express their ideas effectively in communication. You can improve this ability by:

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A. When we see a completely incomprehensible expression on the other person, think about at least two possible interpretations before making any conclusions. For example, your friend didn’t call you back. First, he ignores you; second, he is too busy. When interpreting other people's behavior, we need to depersonalize it so that we can be more objective.

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B. Ask when necessary. If necessary, you should ask the other person why he or she did this. You should ask open-ended questions such as, "I'm curious. Can you tell me why..." Avoid accusations and judgments.

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4. Ability to be firm and express difficult emotions when necessary

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"To be yourself, you need to be open to expressing what you think is important. We need to clearly express our boundaries and tolerance." - Harriet Lerner

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There are times in our lives when we must set boundaries for ourselves and others, otherwise others will not know what we care about. This means we need to practice expressing negative emotions. You need to be able to say "no" to others without feeling ashamed, and sometimes, put things we care about more first and fight for the compensation you deserve for your efforts. This way you will suffer less torture and harm. So how do we express such emotions appropriately?

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You can use the XYZ approach — when you do Y in X situation I feel Z. Here are some examples:

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“I feel strongly that I deserve more recognition for the amount I contribute to the company.”

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"I felt hurt when you teased me at dinner yesterday."

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Remember: Never start a sentence with your own words and then bring up your accusations. For example: "You should" and "You must". Because it will make the listener feel offended. This will make them even less willing to listen to you.

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5. The ability to express personal emotions in close relationships

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To maintain an intimate relationship, you need to express gentle words of love effectively.

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